The mantra is the seed. You are the only one who can take the spade and plant that seed in your heart of hearts. We must clear the clouds of self-doubt that corrode like termites and embody the Adi Shakti ~ the power of the Divine Feminine energy. All energy is feminine. The intellect to use it wisely is masculine. Purusha and Prakriti. In this Age of Aquarius to 'know' is no longer enough. We must be able "to heal simply by our presence, uplift with our aura, and transform with our word.
This transition, the change of the Age, is known by many names. Relative to stress, Yogi Bhajan called it the "gray period". This is a time when many will lose their rhythm and their connection to the flow. Life will move faster than our nerves and personality can sustain. It will be very challenging to those without any tools to move past the stress. This "elementary stress" will be characterized by feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness. It is a period of "instant karma"..."when a single action done against your own conscience will result in immediate consequences." We are already seeing it in the wars, the natural disasters, the school shootings, gang rapes, murders, suicides... this massive, pervasive stress brought on by the Aquarian Age is ultimately not meant to cause such pain, but for those who insist on remaining in the Piscean Age paradigm of hoarding knowledge, trying to obtain power over others and get their energy from food and other people instead of from the spirit inside each of our hearts...those who would not trust that LOVE is the real source of energy...for those it can be tremendously painful.
"For many, it will be a devastating blow; they will feel helpless and consider suicide as an attractive way out of their pain. Out of that deep personal pain, they will turn to you for relief and react against you if you cannot deliver - there is no way out of it. We will be seen as healers, simply by our projection; there will be no need for claims. So, our radiance must heal and bless and uplift. Otherwise, hopes raised and dashed breed toxic and explosive resentments."
Our radiance must heal and bless and uplift. Otherwise, hopes raised and dashed breed toxic and explosive resentments.
There is no way out but UP!
I have learned from past mistakes...I hope. I believe. One student with Borderline Personality Disorder last year looked to me as a huge resource. I offered more than I had to give. I made promises that I could not keep. Not doing Sadhana was my downfall. She turned from loving me and all that she perceived I provided...to hating me intensely. I reacted poorly and called her a spoiled little girl. Nothing that I would ever want to hear myself. My shame over hurting her, turned into her threatening me with texts, e-mails, until I finally filed a restraining order. It was not implementable. Fortunately, there seem to have been no further repercussions.
Another student was present on the day that I foolishly taught a Rebirthing Kriya before I was ready to contain the intense energy that would well up from some people. It provoked intense sexual energy for one young man, who tried to diffuse it by approaching myself and another student. What a massive mess!!! I almost lost my job over that. Food for thought. JUST DO SADHANA. I am a person, we all are, all of us teaching this yoga, persons who cannot afford not to do Sadhana ~ personal daily practice IN THE AMRIT VELA...the pre-dawn hours from 3-7am when it is quietest, and our teachers on other planes of existence can come to us more easily and assist us, help us heal ourselves so that we can heal others. This is crucial. I know it. And yet I still resist. This is the ego. Sigh.
I left another student in tears because of my cruelty over handling her insistence on coming earlier and earlier and earlier and earlier to class, until the point at which she would come almost 30 minutes early between my classes and sit and stare at me, draining me, but denying that she was doing so. I've been told that she was coming for 'darshan of a teacher'. For blessing. That was probably true, but I was not strong enough to withstand it. I must rise. Rise like the Phoenix I have named myself after, rise like Cherdi Kala, the keep-up spirit, and heal myself more than I ever thought possible. I must become "a better conduit of the limitless healing space"..."be able to invoke that space in an instant".
The best way I know to do this is to DO SADHANA in any way I can. AND to guide the students in my classes to commit to healing themselves so that they may heal others...to not give up their power to me...hearing students say things like: "You are helping me to open my heart so much!!!!" sounds innocent enough, but it is a subtle giving away of their power. I am a provider of the connection, so that they may light their own flames, and then pass that on to others.
I say to myself: "Don't squander the light. Build it. Don't squander the light in your bank account. Let it build and gain interest. Don't dissipate it with wild sexual fantasies just because you are celibate and longing for the right long-term partner. Don't dissipate your ojas into shukran. Don't let the rasa and rasayana and amrit dry up through arrogance and laziness. The snake of kundalini will bite you in the butt if you don't keep playing Krishna's flute, leading the milkmaids, the gopis to a land of milk and honey. That land is right here within our hearts, if we just penetrate through the darkness with love. "
This... I say to myself.
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