Today I saw my father. I thought I was prepared. On the 12th he apparently fell over a waiter's leg at Applebee's restaurant. His face was blackened on one side, and he joked over the phone that he looked like The Phantom of the Opera. I joked back nervously that he was more 'grounded' than I. He didn't tell me the day it happened, nor the next day...not wanting to frighten me...but somehow I knew something was up. I even posted on his timeline about Hanuman the monkey god letting Sita know that Ram was okay...kind of like the Divine letting me know that my father was okay. Really.
But this is tough. Mortality. Issues. Questions. He could have died, and I knew it, the minute I found out on the 15th when I called him. I knew that he could have died. He is one tough cookie. But today I saw him. Finally. And I thought I was okay. But the rest of the day was very, very, very difficult. I am afraid. I am afraid for my future and for his, but I felt the presence of Ammachi particularly all week. She kept me drenched in fragrance, and drenched in love. My being, my soul and my apartment exuded it. Out of the potential destruction she lifted me...showing me that I am stronger than I know, that my father is strong too. Clearing the way for greater things for both of us...just not clearing the aisle of the stray feet of waiters. But she held us in her heart, and so did God.
And all the prayers of friends were so deeply appreciated by both of us. I knew, somehow, that I was not prepared to handle his fall very well, so I called everyone I knew, asking for prayers. Everyone sent them. I am ever so, ever so grateful.
And Kali is making us stronger.
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