LOVE & TEARS

Today began with a wonderful class filled with 8 students...the number of Infinity. Each of them, even the ones who had to come very late, who arranged to text me so that they could be let in the door, participated in the most incredible class yet! One student I had e-mailed the night before about 'Anam Cara', specifically a website explaining not only what spiritual friendship was, but how that translated into this particular website/community's way of offering Spiritual Directors. That student responded back in surprise saying: "Did you know that I am a spiritual director? And that I am looking for a spiritual director myself?"

Another student I had an intuition about...that she would show up exactly when I was about to get everyone else out of the first shavasana/relaxation period...if I just did the 'Transforming Negativity to Love' meditation first. I went to the door on instinct before she could even begin to text me; she had just taken out her phone and was standing by the door! The rest of the class was a kriya originally taken from GuruRattan Kaur's "Transitions to a Heart-Centered World", but used in Sadhana Singh's book "Everyday Excellence: The Art of Success". It was a kriya originally 'For Immunity', and then Sadhana Singh added it to his program to be used before each of the 8 meditations following. Powerful work from GuruRattan Kaur followed by the meditation series for RASA! This latter was from GuruCharan Singh Khalsa's "21 Stages of Meditation", the manual around which my Tuesday/Thursday day classes is centered along with the Transformation manuals, volumes 1 & 2. 

During the heart meditation of the kriya involving the 'Ardas Bhaee' mantra, I felt guided to have students hold pieces of rose quartz near their hearts. I would never have felt comfortable bringing the crystals into class were it not for my one student who had been to Winter Solstice 2012, and had been bringing her crystals into class. It was powerfully healing. 

After class, I shared chocolate and gave away some of my perfume samples from the 'by Kilian' niche perfume line. Real perfume made the way perfume was made an era ago. Not linear. Perfume that shares its secrets softly, just like the real flower essences gathered in the bouquet that made up the scent. I felt guided to do so as well, thinking of the information on aromatherapy in our textbook. 

After class, I had made plans for lunch with another student, and because it was pouring down rain, yet another student asked if I could provide a ride for her to work at a coffee shop further up Manchester. The rain came heavily and left as if we were in New Orleans...so she didn't need the ride after all, but as a result, we went to lunch there, providing my student unexpectedly with a new resource for dining around her strict dietary requirements. Not only that, but we both found that Mystic Valley's crystal shop was now right across the street, as well as Cheryl's Herbs where we both needed to pick up some things, and Kakao, a local chocolatier where I needed to buy some gifts for friends and chocolate for class on Valentine's Day next week.

After a beautiful and sweet morning and afternoon...

I made the journey to reconnect with my new friend Chela, and procure some more of that lovely 'Love & Tears' perfume with five kinds of Jasmine that is strangely deepening my meditation experience. Jasmine is very good for uplifting mood, relaxing AND energizing, and alleviating depression. I had a sweet, sweet, almost heavenly conversation with Chela about all things spiritual, finding that she is Methodist and looking to take up yoga with a deep spiritual but not religious connection. We talked about the perfume samples I shared, and discussed having her in class to share more about fragrance and its healing powers with the students. When I first met her I told her I had recently seen the phrase "Ape Guru Chela" in Sadhana Singh's book. It is a phrase that means: the student becomes the teacher. She has most definitely become my teacher. This young Methodist girl. Along with my student who is Catholic in the Haitian tradition, the one who loves the author Edwidge Danticat as much as I do. She is my teacher along with Gloria, Sarah and many others who are students. 

Love & Tears pour from my heart when I sit for the Aspect 3 meditation, and I feel as if this Mul Mantra meditation practice/Stress Backpack Meditation No. 6 is kind of like Chanel No. 5...or like 'by Kilian's' "Beyond Love" or "Prelude to Love". Chela explained that Kilian Hennessy, the creator of these perfumes, had created Love & Tears while going through a divorce. I feel that I am divorcing an energy that was never meant to be connected with mine truly...and waiting for the "Prelude to Love" to begin...

But for now...it is "Love & Tears". Love & Tears all the way...as Chela says. As the student says.

Anam Cara

"Even though life may have moved wearily and painfully through such a person, they have still managed not to let it corrode their soul. In such a face a lovely luminosity shines out into the world. It casts a tender light that radiates a sense of wholeness and wholesomeness."

-John O'Donohue, "Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom"

I'm not sure if my planned visit to the ashram will happen this weekend...I'd like to go, but I also have $200 worth of food that must be cooked after having no water on Monday all day when it should have been cooked, & spending the afternoon walking through the park today with a sweet woman enduring a painful breakup. I have a friend who needs kindness tomorrow too. I don't know what is possible. I will just have to surrender and see what appears on the horizon as the right things to do for my soul's care & for others.

5 Lotus Blossoms...

5 Lotus Blossoms...5 women in class today... all dressed in pink! (I almost wore a pink top by accident, but didn't). We did 5 variations on Hummee Hum Brahm Hum for opening the heart. A new student came who has been to Winter Solstice 2012, fallen in love with Kundalini and wants to live in an ashram. She brought her crystals, seemed way more grounded than I (must have some Kapha in her dosha), and said she's working on heart-opening stuff! Funny, but Thursday's class is on heart-opening too...then next Thursday is Valentine's and my schedule is to teach the Mera Man Loche for Healing the Wounds of Love! Maybe she'll be able to convince a family member to come, and they can stop worrying that she's in a cult. This young woman is a mover-and-a-shaker coming up. She'll blow me away soon! Yay!!! The more wide open hearts the better! And everyone was blissful! Three more dedicated yoginis + a lady who comes sometimes. Thursday will be rockin!

Joy!

"You should make yourself so happy, that by looking at you other people become happy." ~Yogi Bhajan 

These words showed up in my mailbox many years ago, along with an issue of Aquarian Times containing an article on Bound Lotus, the practice I have been doing for 1,194 days thus far. That magazine showed up back in November 2006. It came addressed to me as if I had a subscription, which I did not. No other issues arrived. Just that one. I tried Bound Lotus out then, but was too intimidated, and in too much pain to go forward. I stuck with my intense Sanskrit mantra practice. That practice, I am sure of it, brought me that further intervention from the universe. I put the quote that came as well on my refrigerator.

Today I can honestly smile at people do broadly on some days that my face hurts. When I finish Bound Lotus my skin is clearer. And when I chant the Mul Mantra I know where all of this guidance came from.

THE SHIELD OF LOVE!

TODAY... on my mother's birthday, on Groundhog's Day...I have had the most incredible healing...it began over a month ago...

Right around December 22nd a friend of mine was back in town from Hawaii, and she came over to have lunch, grab some chocolate and let me play the gongs for her. While she was here, and during the time I was playing the gongs, my shoulders began to hurt unreasonably in relation to the way my neck and shoulders have been healing after all of the cervical injuries. Specifically, a sharp, grinding pain occurred out of nowhere on the back of the ribs near the heart, but to the right. It was roughly around where I'd have significant pain after the fall on my head November 3rd, 2009. Most of that has dissipated in recent years...but it came back with a vengeance on December 22nd, along with frustrating and intense pain on the left side of my shoulders. I asked my friend to work on this, and she did.

She has a background in deep tissue massage, and while she worked on me, I experienced intense fear, crying, and memories of abuse. I apologized for all the tears, feeling unnecessarily guilty, but not telling her anything about the memories. She responded by saying that she had felt an intensely negative energy coming from behind me, and grabbing onto my left shoulder and not letting go! She described what the person looked like from whom the energy was coming. I knew who it was by her description. She said that she wasn't strong enough that day to release it for me, but suggested just constantly building my light, which I have already been doing.

I kept up on the path with the Aspect 3 meditation that I began on October 16th, the day after spirit voyage.com's Global Sadhana practice began. Then on January 20th, during the latter half of the KRI Level 2 Teacher Training Module Stress & Vitality in Kansas City, my meditation partner let me know that while she was doing the variation on Sat Nam Rasayan healing with the Guru Ram Das Miracle Mantra, she saw someone hanging onto my shoulders and shaking them violently. She described this person. It was the same description that Kristen gave. I told my teachers. I said I wasn't about to wait for the 'third' confirmation of what I had already known all along...I was still being tracked by this person energetically.

Last Wednesday a friend of mine offered the assistance of an acquaintance experienced in the removal of spirit intrusions/demonic energies. I hesitated at first, worried that her friend would be beset by trouble just through helping me, then I reconsidered. I accepted the help, on the condition that she inform her friend what he might be in for. Then I called for back-up. Reinforcements. Lots and lots and lots and lots of prayer from everyone I could call or text or e-mail that I felt would be on board with assistance. The last person I spoke to before going to sleep was Jim, who wished me a "Good Night". I had been so worried about sleeping, but I slept like a baby!

When I woke up my friend Ramgeet said that I "must believe that the shield of love works and surrounds you always." WAHE GURU!!!

This was the right time. I had surrounded my bed with quartz crystal, my meditation space with rose quartz and Danburite for the energy of love. I believe that this was the right time. Many people and much light were behind this release, Sukhmandir, Kirantana, SIK, KPK, everyone in my training, my Father, Jim & Nancy, Ramgeet, Matt, Ramgeet's friend...and I am stronger myself. A message needed to be sent of love, and it was...

I no longer feel like a puppet on a string...I was a butterfly trapped in a spider's web, but no longer...

I had almost no friends years ago when all of that abuse happened. But I am getting by today with a little help from my friends. And the lessons were there for a reason. They kept me humble. This was the right time, with a lot of love & a lot of strength behind the force to release me. I am grateful to my friend's friend and I believe that the timing was right, and that his efforts to help me were the final push to get that monkey off my shoulders. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

I AM LIGHT. No Fear! Only LOVE!!!

No Fear! Sadhana or bust! Holding the light!!! Sat Nam! At the feet of the Guru, & tonight again I will play the Rakhe Rakhanahar mantra on repeat for protection. Baba Siri Chand, Guru Nanak's son who was a sadhu, will prevail. No black tantric adepts abusing their siddhis...I AM LIGHT! We are LIGHT! We are One! We are warriors on this path. My 1st Sikh name was Santjeet. Spiritual warrior. I've never told anyone. I am sweet Amritaji, but I am a force of light to be reckoned with by the dark. The LIGHT will prevail! Always...unto Infinity & Eternity!

I'm still Amrita, with super special secret light warrior powers. Heh. If I roll my hair on the side like a breakfast danish, I could look like Princess Leia. ;) As Nirankar said, "You know I always felt there is a strong warrior hiding in you. But yeah. I like sweet Amrita. Confuses the heck out of the 'enemy'!"

Love & Prayers!

I found it difficult not to dwell in fear about sleeping well last night. I called several people, including some dear friends in Memphis, asking for prayers. I know I'm strong, I'll call on Baba Siri Chand again if I need to, I'm doing my meditation and I'll be fine...but I felt stronger with all those prayers! The power of prayer is immense!!! Yogi Bhajan did the math on that: it multiplies exponentially...so if 6 people are praying, multiply 6 times 6= 36 + itself, so...72 + the original number, so...78! It is no longer just 1....but the power of 78!!! And even Jesus said: "wherever two or more are gathered in prayer..."